Parenting - Kids Misbehave (in the church )

This is a smaller church with small group (about 7 of the 13 to 15 years old ) .......
Kids were misbehave during church worship service.

Below is my email to the Pastor (because one of the pre-teen is his boy).......


************  Perspective on Parenting  when kids / teens misbehave **************

Hi, Pastor xxxx :

 

Maybe this Sunday morning was a mishap with your boys.... here is the part II:

 

As you recalled, in the middle of your message (2nd Service), we all heard some loud bird chirping sound.  You paused and commented:  "I didn't know we had birds in here. Go and shoot them".         You probably knew where the sound came from by now.

 

Ten minutes later, the second bird sound was made again  from the 2nd boy's cell phone (lasted about 5 to 7 seconds, but in softer sound).

 

There were 3 young boys sitting one row behind me. 

  1st seat :  Peter

  2nd seat:  the young boy with the cell phone ( age: est. 11 or 12)

  3rd seat:  another younger boy  (around 10 or 11)

 

Frank & Sharon were sitting at the other end on the same row.

 

The second boy was playing his cell phone.  The bird chirping sound was from his cell phone.  No incoming call.  He was just playing the cell phone.  Peter and boy#3 were also participated and they were looking at the 2nd boy's cell phone most of the service.

 

Besides talking most of the entire service, they used the pencils made tapping sound on the bulletin. Kicking the chairs in front of them, and before the closing song started, one or more boys either pushed or kicked the whole rows of chair in front of them- causing my seat moved forward slightly.

 

Here are my suggestions:

 

1.  Kids under 16 need to sit with an adult either on the same row or one row in front  or behind them.

 

2.  Kids are NOT allowed to play with cell phone or anything in the worship area.

 

3.  Kids should be told that if they decide (or choose) to sit in the worship service, they should be quiet and not be talking or making any noise to disturb others.

 

(Those three simple rules can be communicated to the parents or adult guardian who brought them into the church).

    

Ushers (or deacons or leaders in the church) should watch out for any interruption to the worshippers and take immediate action.

 

Please don't take this as a criticism, but I had worked enough with kids and heard enough  from parents about their kids problems:

 

No matter how serious the kids offenses, 3 godly discipline can be applied:  Love, Mercy, and Grace.

 

Love -  Parents "hate the mischievous acts" or "disobedience", but parents should convey in a firm way that they still love their kids.  Kids need the affirmation, esp. if they know that they act badly and feel guilty (even if they don't seem feel guilty or show any remorse).

 

Mercy -    Some kids just need a gentle reminder. Some kids need pre-planned boundary before something bad happening (esp.if they don't have constructive activity for idle period of a time slot). Just as God didn't beat us to death, this principle of Mercy can apply to parenting.

 

Grace -  Leave room for the kids to correct their behavior.  All kids need gentle and proper guidance.  If they make a "mess", they have to clean up their acts.  Parents can help a little or get them started to clean up process (this show kids how to be gracious).

 

One of the many reasons kids don't respect authority at home is they no longer care.  They no longer respect their parents for different reasons:

 

1.  They feel their parents don't care about their feelings or they think the parents are too harsh.

 

2.  They feel their parents shame them in front of their peers or other adults.  (They don't tell the parents, but they feel hurt and belittle).

 

3.  The parents yell at them so harshly and frequently that they tune-out any adult authority.

 

Parenting needs God's wisdom (James 3:17)  & one or more characterics of the Fruits of the Holy Spirit when discipling their kids:   love, patient, self-control, gentleness.

 

 

Ask your kids this question: 

  What are we going to do about this situation? (start with the gentle dialogue - if you are still upset, have the discussion later.)

   End the discussion with:  I am counting on you to make the right decision to do the right thing .  If you are not sure about certain situations,  you can ask me or your mom. The reason we have this discussion is because mom and dad care about you.   Do you have any questions of what we talked about?

 

May the peacemaker Christ be with you and your family.....